Friday, January 20, 2012

Why Aurthor Miller, Why?

I haven't talked much to anyone today, which is a real shame as I feel that I'm depriving the world of a very special treat. Perhaps I'm being arrogant in this manner, but at the same time it's true that I am unlike any other person on this planet and that somewhere out there a guy or a gal is just begging to get to know me. The question is, can I pull off a meeting worthwhile when I meet them? Or will I have to feint, beguile my behavior to the extent that I don't truly show my self?

This is a serious question for me; who used to go around with a large trench coat, gloves, sunglasses, a cowboy hat, scarf, and boots. Generally speaking I would spend my time hiding. I found myself free to an extent. Free to interact with anyone I wanted, because I could be anyone I wanted. I wasn't really pinned down to who I was perceived as. In other words it was an escape. You see there isn't anything really wrong with what I did if it was exactly who I was, but if done for the wrong reasons it could have led to serious complications with my friendships already established. Individuals who learn to know you under a false guise can come to be a little bit confused when you start to behave strangely. And so you are again under scrutiny for your behavior just as much so as you were before when you attempted to escape. Isn't it easier to just be who you want to be?

Granted such behavior would undoubtedly unsettle the galaxy, disturb the living force, and unhinge every democratic/republican candidate who's currently running. But for the heck of it, lets just say that you and I were in the middle of a conversation and started to talk about who we thought we were, we discover that we each have a different impression of ourselves than the other has of us. How can that be? In order to clarify who they though they were they subjected themselves to the same sort of test; one where they would incorporate the five senses. They asked each other what they smelled, tasted, sounded, looked, felt like. And so in order to do this they presented to each other different items of importance to them. 

The one individual presented his friend with a large miniature ship of the Millennium falcon from Star-wars, made entirely from Lego pieces. Such a presentation, his friend pointed out, suggests that you are complex, somewhat of a bumpy ride, that you sound consistent, if always loud, that you have a plastic taste to you, and that you have no smell, and that you look as though you are held together by a great many things; though what those things were he could not establish.

Then he said, I'll have a go at this. So he presented his friend with a squishy marshmallow. His friend took a moment to laugh at the sight and suggested that instead of fright it inspired amusement and delight. For one he smelled of sweets, which suggested that he smelled delicious, and because his shell was so soft that he was in fact soft underneath his bold appearance. The sound of a sizzling marshmallow suggested to him that his friend was in fact one who complains more often than not; true replied the friend. But to taste him was to suggest that he was a bit extreme in his ways and that you'd better have other friends to balance him out. He ultimately looked rather fat. Which wasn't exactly true, though it could have been true. 

In the end the friends realized that what they appeared to be to themselves was seen differently by others. It wasn't until the one said to the other "I resent being thought of as fat" that the other suggested that he tell him what he thought of himself; and so he replied that he though of himself as quite bouncy! It's strange but true, and so they overcame their own particular thoughts on the matter and so came to conclusions about each other that they both could agree upon. 

The trick for us is to do so with our own family members. Wouldn't it be a treat to be seen as who you are for what you are, and to be your own man? not thought of as the dish-boy, or the madman, or the shoe repairman? (Though there are less and less of those around I hear.) The hopes are that if we don't add up to what others expect of us, are we content about that?

Don’t hassle me any further, why you
Act like I’m a child is beyond me, I’m
Not a child! So please, don’t patronize,
Don’t act like I can’t think for myself, I’m
Grown old as an adult, can think, reason,
I believe things, things you don’t understand,
What more do you want me to say? That I’ll,
Give in to your every hope, wish, desire,
That I’ll live in your shadow for my life?
What? Yet whatever it is that you want
Don’t count on me to be it, I’ll not go;
I’m not some dog to be taught, or learn, how
To fetch, to roll over, sit, play dead dog,
Though it seems my very life has become
A living nightmare of playing dead dog
To my own hopes, and dreams. Within I’ve kept,
Yea, locked inside of my heart I’ve kept a
Hold of those dreams I hope to accomplish!
Yet you’ll continue to condemn my hopes,
Frustrate my designs, and withal your base,
Cunning deceit walk around behind me,
Get my back, as though I were some blind man!
Isn’t it enough that you bedevil?
Me, that Day and night I have no thought but
For what is pleasing unto you, and still
It’s not enough, have you not a single
Ounce of interest in what I want to
Become? Are you so self-absorbed so?
That my needs appear insignificant?
Why do you seek after me as though I,
Was some puppet, to be so pulled upon?
Are your hands worthy of pulling my strings?
Why do you want me to be like you? Why?

That question why, without clearing it up, can be quite deadly to some.

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