From Within We Go Out

I wake in the morning, I smile every day!
I walk down the staircase into a small bay
Of water that streams down alongside
My person, into a den of lions, a pride,
Of Persons; all their pomp display
Like peacocks that light up the fray
That can be seen going on outside my doors...
And there we turn not...for they are all bores
That do not come from within my house,
Are tiresome, pities as small as any mouse
That comes scurrying in for bread and butter...
An image comes to mind...Forgive me mother.

I sigh in the afternoon from all this show,
I make or I break every man in his woe
Of passion for me, in his desire for my form;
Is that not the idea? Is that not the norm?
I walk through a sea of chandeliers;
And they reflect every one of my fears.
I put on a face as white as the grave...
To these images, self deception, I am a slave.

I frown in the evening, and they think me faint;
They cannot discern within me, nor can they paint
From the signs what I endure every single day...
Cannot understand the question of whether I may
Or may not exist without their company...
Of whether or not of them I may be free...
They laugh at my jokes, they applaud my speech;
Like an actor I turn, the pedestal doth screech
But they take no notice of my pronounced fall,
For it is within! And they are all at the ball!

They go out, one by one; their chains clink...
Inside my soul I scream out loud! I think
How unbearable is this misery, this sham,
This putrefied behavior, this blemished lamb
That baa's in my ear with disdainful glee...
I am blind, I cannot with my own soul see
What I am any more, nor what I should be...
I long to be gone from this place, to be free!

They have gone, I utter a cry that is shrill!
I have had my fun in the morning, my fill
Of elegance and desire;
I have made a great fire
Burn in the hearts of men,
Inflamed many women
Against my person!
Reel the hearse in!
For I shall no more exist in my shame!
I wish for peace, to know my name!

A knock at the door...as there is every night.
Dare I open it? Dare I see this Holy Sprite
That so often comes to cheer my soul?
Who so oft begs me to render up control
Of my fears? These up and coming men,
Like cats, do brush up against me, ren
Der me a broken glass upon the floor
So that my own person craws; I abhor
Them more than anything else in the world!
Yet can the fear of them overcome the sword
Of truth outside this door of mine?
Can I open my heart to Him? Pine
My grief with sincerity and hope?
Overcome this chain? This fashioned rope
That binds me to a life of glittering
Shams that do now in my soul sing
Foul dirges of hams that did defeat
One after the other for lands
That were in their brothers hands?

I faint at heart, my body spent...
My soul follows, and it is rent.
The knock again, once more, again...
I am trapped inside my palace fen.

A voice inside? Or vain delusion...
Perhaps my pride...or such illusion
That would make one hope for love
That comes from without, or up above...
Can it be that the one outside is within?
Already leading me to open the doors of sin?
Desiring to enter formally from without
Rather than force from within like a lout
The doors wide open so that He may free
What I am from what I desire to be?

I walk...towards the door...
Trembling...as never before.
I open it wide...and there I see...
O, I cannot tell you what I see...
Only that it has truly set me free!

From Within we Go Out, (c) Luke Bennette, September 2012