Through the Cloud of Glory

I walk down the road, and on either side
Their I find that the toad has so allied
Himself with the merchants that line the streets
That poor peasants flock to their vending seats...

And you too should come, he says with a smile...
I am struck dumb, and shutter quite a while
As I ignore his wide, toad-like, face of doom,
That gapes open wide only for more room
That he may swallow me whole, without a trace
Dispose of me, as a shoal of fish; in that place
I found fear following behind me like a train...
Echoing it's croaking, monotonous, endless, refrain...

My glance is caught further down the road again...
Not merchants this time, but sure footed men
That do holler with voices of varying pitch!
They hoist the sails for a circus tent, which
Fascinates me so that I stop to look...
I read the colors as though a book...

A voice tells me to hurry along,
Lest I become one with the noise-some throng...
I recover my senses with a titter,
A flair of anger, a heavy hitter
At the home-plate...
I am in such a state...

Hurrying along I regain my composure...
The sounds begin to align to the moisture
In the air; which begins to strike the ground
With a composition of music never found
In any other place all throughout the earth...
For I walk through the land of my home, my birth...

And for a moment I am struck so that I am still...
I have escaped the noise of color,
And of merchants have had my fill...
But here I stay for the sound of my brother...
Echoing through eternities open portals,
Through memories found in we mortals...
And I gaze upon the ground in this forest den,
I remember him there, stuck in that wide fen
Across the way where we did play
In the sun, in the rain; we did every day
Become better friends, he and I...
Until the day he drowned, did die.

Then I am a quiver with fear...
Suddenly I feel him draw near;
An icy cold hand, but warm to the touch.
Such illusions of mind are over much
For the senses to take, they cannot
Stomach the reality of what is bought
By believing in such fantasies...
So they take what they see,
And twist and turn it to what they like;
Lest realities hand lash out and strike
Their face with the palm of its hand!
So I found myself, in that dreaded land...

Turn away! Don't look back!
The voice inside said to me...
Come hither, my sister!
Set me free! Said he...
But I knew now, too late,
What I was seeing...
And before my fate
Overcame my being
I wrenched myself away,
From that hand of ice...
From my home, my play...
From memories of nice
Happy thoughts wishful thinking...
I ran from there! What was I thinking?

Barren now are the roads.
Not a person walks them.
Not even those foul toads
That once tricked me
Into fettered slavery...
No, not a single color,
Not a single image...
No memories of brother...
Only a mere savage
Minstrel before my eyes;
Minstrels...them I do despise...

And as I walk along he plays a ditty,
Calling the throng, with a song quite witty.
Yet I could not stand his music at all!
I hated it, and in the dark I did call
To him, to him I did beg be silent now!
But he merely winked, and did bow
As if to accept an applause, an encore!
If I could get my paws on him, how sore
He would be! How very much he'd regret
If ever I caught him; for a touch of set
Anger was writhing through my veins...
I considered going back, old refrains
Were pecking away at my desires...
Little lamps in my mind, rather than fires...
In a maze my mind now wandered
To every place I have since sauntered...
And I wondered where I was going...
Wondered at the point of it all...
Wondered at the wind blowing...
I wondered at the quiet call...

Then suddenly I recalled myself
To my senses and shut my ears...
I could no longer hear the wealth
Of this minstrels ditty, no fears
Were set upon my heart any more,
And the anger took flight, the well
Of frustration became dry, the door
Was shut to mine enemy; I sell
All my treasuries of past loves
To the voice I hear. Gentle doves
Do gracefully lift me off my feet...
I fly over the minstrel; his defeat.

Now these doves do take me high,
Into the darkness, the clouds, where nigh
Invisibility is at work, is at hand!
The ground sinks beneath me, the land
Indiscernible to mine eye;
Confusion now reins, try
As I might to turn my intellect around
To where I had been. I am found
In a swirling mass of terror and pain,
I cannot stop the shivering refrain
That besets my heart, my soul!
I bunker down inside, control
My raging fear; like a woodsman
Desperately fighting the fire
I strike back with my desire
To be safe and sound from this dreaded wind!
The sound of which howls louder than sin...

A song begins to dawn in my heart...
Not from my own memory, in part
Perhaps have I given myself
To this great song of wealth...
Yet it seems that it comes from without
To be within my heart and soul, felt
I that it became one with me tonight...
And the raging winds no longer fright
But begin to sound out the melody...
As if I had received from the voice a key
To ceifer the raging winds of pain
As having spoken out in a refrain
Of the glory of God...
A never-ending laud...

Now emboldened by this understanding,
And surrendering myself, now commanding
That all of my energies be engaged
Into this cloud of glory, this saged
Love that beckons to me,
This loving voice, this sea
That pours into my being...
Can it be true? What I am seeing?
I see light unknown...
I see, as though shown...
I see, yet do I see?
Can this truly be?

I stretch out my hand...
My fears one last stand
Take hold of me before I reach
What I was reaching for, teach
Me to fear what is before me...
Teach this sight is all illusory...
Turn my sight back to the cloud...
Falling down now...how very proud
I am that I realized my mistake...
My mistake...did I indeed make
With my foolish behaviors of mind
A mistake? I hope others may find
Me sound of reason when I return...
I hope I realize myself, lest I burn
With ensnarement from their reproach...
Already I can see on the ground a coach
That will take me back to my house and home...
The minstrel waves at me! He holds a comb
To for my frazzled hair, now such a maze
Of many tangles, a fiery blaze
Of lightening and maddened haze...
O, what strangeness! What a craze!
And to think I had almost fallen for it...
This light, this illusion, this religious fit!
Now the coach is off, and I am in...
I have regained myself, I do win
The game that has been set against me...
I have prevailed, can once again see.
We travel past my home and I sneer
At how once I did travel in fear
Across it's plains, this relic place...
I no longer see my brothers face...
We travel through the circus tent!
How beautiful it's colors! Unbent
Are it's poles reaching to the sky!
I feel strange again; I don't know why...

The minstrel plays a tune that I like...
A hand slaps me! My face does strike!
We enter the merchant lane once more...
The minstrel opens for me the door...
The smiling toad throws open wide
His arms, his smile; I am beside
Myself with fear to see his face!
My brother stands in disgrace
Next to his side, ashamed of me...
I do not think...I exit...then I flee!
I run from the road, I run from it all!
I run through the day, the night, I call
Out to the voice that once reigned in me...
I cry out at night in an endless sea...
I cower in fright at every noise that's made!
I cower in fright, for the game I have played
Has thrown me from heaven so dear...
Into a world of doubt, suspicion and fear.

The hunt is one, they come after me!
They say, come again! Pay the fee
For using the coach which returned you here!
You shall be enslaved, forever my dear!
Do not run into the night, this wilderness;
Come! With us you may find great bliss!
Your unfettered desires may become you yet...
I grantee you'll like it, I will even bet
That once you return with us you will say
I am better off in this place, better off this way!
Come, give yourself up to your lust...
We are your friends! We you can trust!
Accept your pride my dear little girl...
Accept us, we are your dear pearl...

Twisted, deformed, and mangled as I am...
I hear in their words a twist, a mere sham...
I hide in the first tree that I find...
I shall stay here till they go. I have a mind
To remain here forevermore...
I fear I have lost myself, a whore
In a wilderness of stupidity...
My price for doubt, no longer free.
My hair is all tangled, my dress ripped and torn...
I am besmirched, ugly, and forlorn...
My captives surround me on every side...
They smell me out, they sniff for my pride...
Wild wolves are they that now prowl the plain...
No longer glamorous; for to my shame
I had seen them in a different light...
Now I see them as they are at night.
Of monstrous shape, and color too...
I cringe at their eyes, my body drew
Back at the mere thought of their hands...
Groping in the darkness of these dreary lands...

In the shadow of this hollow, this gaping maw...
Where I hide for my sorrow, fearing what I saw...
I pour out my heart to the winds, I do cry...
I pour out my soul, my sins, lest I die...
I know not who will answer, only that I fear
To die without confessing, to be a mere
Of darkness in the presence of the light...
To succumb to this evil, this darkness, this night.
I beg forgiveness, from whom I know not!
I cannot recall who it was that had bought
My soul at a precious price...
I scratch at my hair now covered with lice...
I, mere wretch that I am...
Now contemplate, do dam
Myself in my thoughts, in this place...
I think of nothingness, to be without trace
Of form, without grace of life...
To be free from the pain, the strife
Of fear, the shallowness of air
That with the beasts I do share...

Thus to I raise up with croaking voice,
A voice devoid of water from my choice...
I ask one last time for help from above!
One last time do I profess in love
My hope to be delivered, to be rescued;
And I pick up the knife that is imbued
With bitterness and hateful crimes...
I hear somewhere, far off, the gentle chimes
Of a clock; in a city by the shore...
I had only thought it to be lore
That spoke of such a sound...
Suddenly I realize that I am found...
And the winds do answer me as I stare
Into vacancy, they do answer my prayer.
A spark within is set again to burn...
I suddenly remember, do yearn
To see again the sight of the cloud...
To open myself to his praises, and laud
Out in the dark of the night, without thinking,
The love in my heart! The darkness sinking
Into the dawning day begins to tremble...
The beasts on the field do now resemble
The figures they once were by day...
They retreat to the road! The dawning fray
Begins to gnaw away at their heels...
Bells do sound somewhere, their peels
Draw me from my hollow of grief.
I run over the meadows in relief...
I follow the sounds that I hear in the distance
I cast aside all fears, all resistance!

A tingle in my spine...
A voice calling mine
Own soul...
I am full,
Am radiant as the day!
I climb the hill before me...
And marvel at the quay
That hides near the sea...
Now beautiful is it...
I take a moment, I sit
And gaze at this city of God...
Where men and women do laud
In praise and thanksgiving the King
Of glory, their voices do ring
Out in psalms of joy!
In communion they employ
Each other; and the cloud draws nigh...
I recognize it, this cloud, and I sight
With deep relief...
Letting go of grief...
All my fears allayed...
My suffering stayed...
I recognize now how to love...
In communion does the gentle dove
Come more readily to dwell with man...
I was foolish alone, following mine own plan
With brazen arrogance!
A deadly song, a dance
That led me where none could confirm
The love in my heart; a miserable worm
Was I all alone, so abused;
So very much was I used
Up in my struggle that I doubted it all...
And from the cloud did I then fall...

As I walk down to they who do fill the square
I breathe in the freshness of ocean air...
I turn and speak a word to you...
Remain in love, be ever true
To the one who has set you free
From darkness; who doth eternally
Give you the grace to draw nearer still...
Who will in time give you your fill
Of life, shall fill you with bliss!
If you struggle so as not to miss
The boat that crosses the ocean blue...
You'll receive more than you ever knew.

                   Through the Cloud of Glory, (c) Luke Bennette, September 2012